i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
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