I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
I'm listening to bach and watching porn,is that a sign of depression?
Quite the contrary. Sophistication.
If Amber from Teen Mom can get a new boyfriend, so can I.
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
time for you to cut the loving, understanding, non-judgmental crap and say/do whatever it takes to make sure I never, ever, ever sleep with him again ever
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
Randomize
