Yah man, that place is surreal
Man, I'm from Tennessee. What the fuck is surreal?
Don't judge me. Haven't eaten all day so I'm in my room sticking my finger in peanut butter, then jam, then my mouth.
Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
What happened with the girl wasn't a gay thing. It was just a mutual respect and want for sex. The guys just weren't there.
Call it what you want. You fucked a girl.
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
I don't know what the hell I'm going to do with myself when this is all over. I'll probably just go back to smoking pot and trying to learn italian.
Randomize
