I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick
i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
He's getting so into these sexts, I hate to tell him I'm fully clothes, watching Bring It On and eating chips and salsa.
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
Is there a way to use porn to inspire him to have dirty thoughts? Like the movie Inception except with more lube and orgams?
Randomize
