I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
This is going to be the summer remembered forever as the giant 3 month long mushroom trip.
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
Either I just got hit on by a 10 year old.girl dressed like a boy or I just got hit on by a midget lesbian. Either way I feel uncomfortable
The sad thing is; I'm getting used to walking around feeling like I could hurl at any minute.
BGSU move in weekend. Just passed a house w a beer pong table set up, ppl already playing, girls holding signs that say "son drop off". It's 10:30 am.
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
We can talk about your dick in my throat after a decision is made, this is my hair we're talking about. .. shit's important.
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
Hey do you or anyone you know want to get drunk for free? At 4pm tonight at rctc for field sobriety training for future cops
Randomize
