Contrary to popular belief alot of woman do actually enjoy sucking cock.
Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
Man when i saw they were the only ones hard core grinding to the Cha Cha slide against the wall, I knew they were gonna have sex tonight.
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
my nurturing instincts told me to take his clothes off
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
Randomize
