you called me at 4 in the morning to tell me that your toaster burnt your english muffin, and that you "fuckin hated that thing."
the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
He said he cried as he watched porn yesterday; I'd say he's taking the break-up pretty bad....
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
Not only is he funny, he had a REALLY big dick
He's old enough to be your father!
REALLY. BIG. DICK.
I know I may be showing my age by saying this but this is the first time I have been eaten out in the parking lot behind the Clairmont Inn since 1990
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