I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
Struggs. It's also 90 degrees out but I'm not sure I can feel heat or cold any more. Too hungover.
after last night my drinking related hospital bracelet collection is up to 13
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
somehow I feel like "adventures with cocaine and molly" wouldn't be an appropriate "How I Spent My Spring Break" essay topic.
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
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