it only took me 1 hour to write 8 pages. i'm never doing school work without adderall ever again.
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
If court goes my way we are flying to Vegas.
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
Tonight just try not to threaten to pee on the hot guys buying us drinks....please..
I do have a life. It just consists of making scarves and chesse straws now
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
Why is there a trampoline for sale in my front yard?
I just deff did the walk of shame.. His roommate/manager woke us up. A dog scared me on my stumble to the car.
This is why I'm single.
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