he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
a kid who worked there came up to me and let me know you were sitting in the bathroom sink. he said it was fine, so i just kept checking on you.
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
True college students do jello shots in the library
Randomize
