O.A.R does not stand for Old Recycled Abortions.
Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
I would feel bad sleeping with her unless all of her personalities were on board with it.
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
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