I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
For an hr, you were convinced you no longer had a right arm so you played Super Mario Bros with just your left hand vs Beth. You won btw, mite b why she refused to wear the unicorn head
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
Idk... he wears anklets.. i dont think i can get past that.
My Uber driver last night was driving a taxi and tried to charge me fare.
You didn't get in your Uber because your ex was driving, that was a legitimate taxi.
According to the rule of quantum porn mechanics, the mere thought of something kinky causes it to exist. So out there, somewhere, there is already riddler/smurf porn...
She demanded to see my stimulus package, I had to go over.
Randomize
