Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
I just saw a like a 30 person deep walk of shame... it was like the million man march but with dorm chicks
"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
Randomize
