you lied. pity sex is amazing.
she was throwing up and singing "I HAD a feeling that tonight was going to be a good good night." And yeah she was still in her dress.
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
yeah, last night we handcuffed you and you started crying saying that you weren't a bad person
yes that’s a photo of a horny gay donkey
Oh I know. I’ve known many horny gay donkeys in my time.
Randomize
