Free body shot off of Sarah. Expires never.
I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
I can't wait for round whatever # we're on tonight.
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
Randomize
