I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
Well there's nothing more unattractive them a naked, soft man crying
Oh good your over him
Good morning sunshine. Care to hear the riveting tale of Michelle and the Almost Great Night That Ended In An Early Morning of Karma Emptying It's Bowels On Her Guilty Shoulders?
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
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