I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
That girl would be way hotter if she changed her face.
You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
All I am going to say is this: I woke up with lots of bruises on my knees from running around on all fours being a 'dinosaur'. Either girls night in went terribly wrong or terribly right.
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
I made out with that lesbian chick for a blunt. NO REGRETS.
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
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