Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
This is one of the fundamental differences between you and I. If I found meat in a plastic bag, I wouldn't put it in my mouth.
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
As an added bonus, you will have a "25 blowjobs a month" voucher, expiring thirty days after the first initial bj.
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
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