...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
It's like the water temple from zelda. but with more tits.
So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
i don't care if its just a preseason game, my pick up a guy and suck him off in the bathroom skills are in midseason form
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
Randomize
