I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
TIT CHECK! TIT CHECK! ALERT! ALERT!!!!
The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
It's 3:30pm, I've been out of bed for an hour and spent most of that barfing. We're switching to beer next debate.
If he's gonna send me dick pics; he should at least zoom in to make it look bigger.
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
New one isn't as good asmy ex. She won't put her tongue up my butt
Peter this is your "ex"
I stand by what i said
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
You should not be involved with someone who smells like that. Because that smell seriously does not go away. Even if you can't actually smell it at any given point, it will still haunt you
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
Randomize
