Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
I just smoked pot in front of my old Elementary School. It's like my Childhood and Adulthood are coming together in this awesome thing.
he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
So you called me the queen of nudes yesterday and I'm still not sure how I feel about it
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
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