So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
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They'd unbutton the overalls with their lesbian-tongues. It wouldn't even be a problem.
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
Well that's the thing. He does want to take me out... To a strip club. I see this going down a very bad road but you know I'm going to go.
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
IF WE WERE REALLY BEST FRIENDS FOREVER YOU GUYS WOULD AGREE TO A WATCHING A PORNO PARTY
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
you are the only girl i know that would bring a plate of cookies to a hook up. but they were awesome. thanks. next time cupcakes?
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
Unfortunately the rum ran out midway through our viewing and we had to suffer in silence for the rest of it.
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