Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
He stole all of his parent's vodka WHILE they were in the room, and then opened the window and snuck out. I was watching from my truck
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
Like if it it's practical for your sexual health I'm allergic to it AKA REGULAR CONDOMS
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
i mean ive seen your left buttcheek how much more bro can this get
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
Randomize
