Have you finally orgasmed yet?
Just saw truck nuts on a handicap conversion van
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
Below this exterior of ice is a layer of cum. Followed by a pool of gin. More cum. Then, finally a heart.
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
It does not feel like it was just this morning that I had a penis in multiple cavities of my body
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
Randomize
