I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
Randomize
