I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags
Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
I think she kind of thinks she's better than us now ... please. I go to Michigan.
I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
Bouncy castle Catalina wine-mixer race for the cure. It will be as fun as it sounds
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
she basically told me that her vine videos last longer that I do
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
you fell asleep with her panties on your face. how are you surprised??
Randomize
