sometimes i wish i had a whole other life to spend on youtube
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
I just made an agreement with this milf to shoot her daughters wedding in exchange for blow jobs. Going pro was the best choice I ever made.
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
this is terrible I feel like i'm trapped in a cage with a wild republican
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
Randomize
