Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice.
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
You suck at answering, but you did manage to avoid a fun conversation about hemorrhoids. So maybe you're great at answering.
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.
Please clarify that he is speaking of beer pong and not rough sex
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
Randomize
