Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
Meant to have fun, ended up giving speech about consent to guy at bar. Feminist side feels happy. Orgasms side feels confused and betrayed.
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
Are we planning this because I am online looking for places with a Mechanical bull
Do plants get herpes?
who is this
Randomize
