my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
his pokemon pajamas? the fact that he was proud of the stretchmarks on his arms? or finding out he has a daughter that went to high school with us? ...you tell me what was the dealbreaker
I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
Keep in mind that he's 43, unemployed and living with his parents. There's really not much we could do to make his life worse.
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ya, because touching his brother's face for 20 minutes in front of him wasn't bad enough, I also threw up in his garden and stole like 10 of his shirts before I left. But I fed his dog, so it's okay.
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
Randomize