Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
I would describe it as pure and unadulterated shock, mixed with horror and a touch of nausea.
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
Learned my lesson. Pink pantydroppers out of a beer bong=deceiving
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
"suitors" is just a nice way of her saying "the guys i'm fucking"
Randomize
