Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
The karaoke bar doesnt have electric avenue. Ill just have to pick another song and sing the lyrics to electric avenue
Am I a whore if I make out with a boy just so michelle can't?
I think the phrase "baptist college" should be an oxymoron.
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
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