Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
Update: Discussing lingerie with my father. He likes sheer black things. Not into the colorful stuff I wear.
It's American, baby! There ain't nothin gross about America.
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
It's almost like sex was the ice breaker and now we're sociable at the gym
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
Idk maybe I'll talk to him once he gets out of jail just to yell at him and get my strawberry ice cream back.
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
Randomize
