were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
Pick my eyebrow is burning. I'm sitting in the back of dolows vat and listening to jolly music and wilfgang is signing and looking food. Cute kid. Home is where I go now.
what. the. fuck.
but seriously ill do anyone in one of those hats with the earflaps.
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
I didn't ask for a picture of your soft dick.
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
Randomize
