hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
i was trying to wake him up so i just kept touching his dick
HE KEEPS WALKING AWAY. IT'S LIKE HE DOESN'T EVEN LIKE FRIES. WTF.
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
just in the smoking shack with my sister cheering on a caterpillar make its cocoon
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
The profile of her ass is just unreal. Weird way to use profile I know, but never more accurate
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
Randomize
