I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
I need to stop taking drags of other peoples cigarettes, it's such a tease. Like playing just the tip, you just can't
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
I'm watching him slurp a whole mango out of her hand. It's disturbingly arousing.
Had sex with him again...yikes. and the whole time he kept saying "i wish we could do this forever." Forever lasted about 45 seconds
I have to date her we need a place to stay for tailgating
why does CNN give a flying $@*# about the royal baby so, so much?
i hope they name him Joffrey
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
Randomize
