I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
Randomize
