I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
NEW INFORMATION meech found me passed out on a bench outside.
My new dealer is 16. I have been getting high longer than he has been alive.
I don't see the problem
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
Then again I went over his house after not hanging out since kindergarten and tried to fuck him so maybe I'm partially to blame here
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
so i was thinking... those 6 am shots weren't really needed.
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
Randomize
