my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
the line runs infront of fredricks of hollywood. it's like gamestop is showing me how pathetic I am.
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
I wish there were college classes that were useful to your daily life, like how to pack a proper bowl in pitch black darkness.
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
There were so few words spoken that I'm not sure if it was make-up or break-up sex.
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
I think it was a smart move. Quickest way to get over a guy, hook up with his friends.
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
I don't know about this Sanders guy after all. I'm voting for MYSTERY BABYLON, WHORE OF ALL THE EARTH
Hillary?
Randomize
