Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore.
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
Randomize
