the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
Yes but life is bad with poopy sheets
I may have just googled Muppet Treasure Island drinking game
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
But you've got to admit , for how blackout I was I look fucking unreal in those pictures
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
Randomize