i don't remember but I assumed it was bad when I woke up with directions from his house to mine already pulled up on my phone
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
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I think that the jello shots in bowls is where it all went wrong.
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
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Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
Even though I'm gonna be a felon I'm having fun for time being.
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
wheres my face? and why is my pocket so big?
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
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