it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
We just threw our carpet out of our room. Via fourth floor window style.
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
Do you think it's my receding hair line that makes all the milfs attracted to me??
Randomize
