I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
Just pulled a muscle trying to take a naked pic. I think it's time to start working out again.
We are so blessed to to have nicely shaped vaginas
I thank god almighty everyday
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
I am at a point in my life where I don't want to brush my teeth for my tinder date because toothpaste and martinis don't mix.
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
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