HOLD UP I think she only has eight fingers...
So on facebook, the pictures from my church mission trip are right up next to the pictures of my first time on E. Sorry Jesus.
Santa Claus winked at me two tables over at the Chinese place tonight I was almost afraid he knew "getting laid" was my Christmas wish
I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
is he apposed to sex in general? or just porch sex?
Yeah I hope so. Definately just saw two freshmen in very authentic togas and cotton ball beards. This new class is stepping it up.
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
I JUST MADE OUT WITH A BRITISH SOCCER PLAYER. LONG LIVE THE QUEEN. GOD BLESS THAT COUNTRY.
she fell THROUGH the wall. All in all id have to say that my neighbors where pretty chill about it tho.
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
Randomize
