I just blindly shoved it in. I'm still not sure which hole I got.
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
Yo plow her in the living room were all outside tommy wants to see
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
Secrets from the porn industry: liTERALLY SHOVE A SEA SPONGE UP YOUR VAGINA GO ON DO IT
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
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