Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
We were suposed to have a 3some in their bathroom but it just turned into us 2 making out while he watched like a little kid on christmas morning
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
He sent me a picture of his dick as a snake, I'd say things are going great.
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
You mentioned his name and i threw up a little.
Randomize
