road dome is illegal, just asked in driving school.
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
From time to time I think I'm happy for a second and then I remember how a guy stopped me from giving him head on my birthday weekend.
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
I mean if you can't appreciate a good looking dick then just get out.
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
yea, she was legit pissed that her rasberry vodka ice cubes never actually froze. but we couldnt convince her otherwise.
Randomize
