ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
What did we do last night that was yellow?
Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
i love how people use prayer to talk shit about eachother in a 'holy' manner.
can u get pink eye on your cock?
I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
Randomize
