Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
Sorry for making you give strangers a ride for hits of acid.
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
I don't know if it was the movie or the drugs but after i watched it i wore the same spongebob shirt to school for two weeks and stopped showering
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
Do thigh high boots and a ball gag count as a costume?
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