The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
.......The other day I peed on him in the shower....he was trying to touch my boobs and I wanted my space.
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
I responded with "neat-o burrito" to his SEXT...he tried so hard and I just panicked.
I think my body knows it's dying and is just shutting down
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
Yo did you say we are blacking out saturday night and playing dodgeball?
Yeah for relay for life. Its for cancer
Randomize
