so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
As punishment for throwing up on my car, I am holding your phone hostage until the morning. You can read this message after I drop it off.
I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry.
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
just in the smoking shack with my sister cheering on a caterpillar make its cocoon
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
If last night was a preview of 2015, I quit.
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
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