How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
Is all white too much for court to prove my innocents?
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
You are NEVER going to guess whose penis was JUST in my mouth!!!
I'll give you a hint, we ate paste with him in kindergarten.
I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
ANIME MEN ARE MAKING ME QUESTION MY SEXUALITY AGAIN
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
She dry humped my leg in the raw while I was still dressed, came, and then fell asleep on top of me. All I got was a bruised thigh. 2020 needs to end.
Randomize
