I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
Sometimes I get depressed that my son is too young to understand how hot his babysitter is.
so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
i was staring at it trying to desperately see a vagina
I just hit the bong during the whole bday song then blew the candles out with my exhale.
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
ive cried into many a lonely burritos..
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
I just want to be able to run around naked and eat grass with no judgments and have people feed me and expect me to sleep all the time.
He has started theming his dick pics. I have one he sent his duck has a sombrero on. Another a Barbie is riding it.
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
ALL I WANT IN MY MOUTH IS A GLORIOUS COCK SMOTHERED IN CHOCOLATE. DICK AND CHOCOLATE; IS IT TOO MUCH FOR A GIRL TO ASK FOR?!
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
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