Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
found out the liquor store price matches. thus begins senior year of college
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
Periouds do not concern me. Biploogival needs are buological needs.
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
Randomize
