I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
Baton twirling is one of his activities on facebook.
Also he is "an Ohio stae gran champion twirler". You cannot tell me he's straight
i will never coherently bang her
he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
So much to do, haven't done anything except hook up with sailors and work on my tan.
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
We don't watch enough power rangers
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
IM ON THE WEIRD DRUGS AND I JUST SAW THAT TOM HARDY THING NOW I WANT TO HUMP
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