i may or may not have a boner. what are your thoughts
Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
He's had mdma poured down his throat. He's getting huggy.
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
he kept saying that we were in ian's fun time place and then continued to act like a dinosaur.
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
WHY ARE THERE NO BLACK EMOJIS? I CAN NEVER PROPERLY IDENTIFY MYSELF.
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
Randomize
