some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance.
if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
Your braces fetish is going to end up biting you in the dick.
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
What time did you start drinking?
Maybe.
Maybe isn't a time...
I wanna throw up and cum in that order
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
Randomize
