I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
Also I just saw on facebook your sister is taking pole dancing lessons. Just a heads up.
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
So... he formspringed me a link to every nude pic ive taken since he 8th grade. ive evolved nicely. but im nervous as to how this a website.
the room spins SO much faster in panama
I just debated creating a mirror system so I could play Batman while in the bathroom. I think I need help.
I already knew that. But I also don't agree with stifling creativity.
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
Like, she can be the shepard of the gays. Delivering him unto homosexuality.
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
Randomize
