Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
were trying to schedule when i can give him head in between classes.
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
i just wasnt prepared to have the baby of one of two french firemen. threesomes are too confusing.
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
Hey nothing wrong with those! I can't believe the guys who let me see where they live on first dates. Even more surprising, I don't stalk them after they've done me wrong.
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
He said I was so drunk and high that I had a conversation w/ his goldfish. The video shows me clearly conversing as if talking to a person w/ pauses in conversation and everything
Randomize
