Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
Eh, not fuck buddies. I prefer sexercise partner.
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
That would warm my breasts.
In this context breast is a metaphor for soul.
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
She's going to be the first to die of too much illness. Not even super bad stuff like cancer but like for having a cold at the same time as a sore throat and chlamydia or something. Just too much diseases.
I mean obviously I like your dick... Jury is still out on you but your dick is good
sigh, if only his dick was as big as his mouth
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
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