I murdered the dance floor call the cops
Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
you inspire me to be a worse person
Please tell me why there is some girl tied to our toilet?
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
Let's just say my vagina is not superimpressed with the superintendent of schools.
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
I never thought I'd be complaining about having sex 4 times a day, but here we are...
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