Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
So I decided to put different foods on my dick to see which would feel the best
and??
Cake is only good when you eat it
my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
I think I've forgotten how to blink. Help plz?
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
why is half of my head shaved?
Randomize
