i blacked out hard core.. it was bad peeeed muh bed
That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
You should offer shots at parent teacher conferences..I bet more ppl come
and you stopped teaching...why?
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
Randomize
