Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
We'll see haha. The cum didn't work...I just chewed the whole thing in a day.
I hope you meant gum...
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
so high i just made my own version of grilled cheese using toast and spray cheese
here comes the puke
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
my comprehension of H.D. Thoreau really dives after 8 beers.....
It will astound me if they ever let you graduate.
I'm always down for nudity.
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
Randomize
