I never want to see another naked old woman again.
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
Laurln. I am dying. I am npt alive. Adderrall is not a real thing. Death is a rwal thing which I understandably
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
Instead of sending me a picture of his dick, he sent me a drawing of it on drawsomething. This game is getting out of control.
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
My vagina: 1 Male stubborness: 0
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
I'll give you one guess. It has a cock and I want it
Randomize
