I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
ugh, today is just one of those 'get high before your 8am class' days.
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
I held his ankles while he hung off the top bunk attempting to get my pillow that fell off.
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
CAN I WEAR ASSLESS CHAPS TO SUNDAY BRUNCH OF JUDGEMENT????
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
This girls ass literally just fell out of her jeans in front on me on the escalator. Going commando on a Monday morning is a bold move.
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
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