I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
honey bunches of taint.
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
just because you are in college doesnt mean its okay to pregame easter mass.
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
I'll still trying to understand the context of your "punch her with my cock" comment.
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
Going to the u of w I constantly have that moment of, oh hey I felt you up at that rave at folk fest that one time. Winnipeg is too small.
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
Randomize
