Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
4 feet of snow. teaching the cats how to snow swim. throwing them off the porch and seeing what happens.
he kept asking me "do you love it? tell me you love it" as I was riding him.
and...?
I told him it was alright.
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
was I really that bad?
you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage
Because she seems like the type to give it up for a box of fruit rollups.
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
Currently hot boxing a fort I made on our snow day... This is legendary
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
Randomize
