I am currently google image searching dick piercings, trying to see what I'm getting myself into.
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
And after getting thrown out of the frat house, getting carried up the hill for a half an hour, puking 5 times, and almost getting stopped by campus security, she still insisted he sleep with her. Gotta give her credit, even blacked she kept her eyes on the prize
So I'm drunk playing pool in a bar with a guy I arrested last week for a DUI...if he recognizes me, shit's gonna get real.
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
Randomize
