I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
He was wearing his Class of 2007 shirt so I sat there for 5 minutes and read all the names of the guys I can remember giving head to.
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
The guy in the American Flag bikini was telling the women he was disgusted at the amount of alcohol they weren't drinking. Then it got ridiculous.
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
Yeah Greg found him eating out of a tuna can with a pill cap
Like do you realize his dealer came out with a gun and we laughed like it was all just fun and games...
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
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