I miss having pregnancy scares ....at least i knew i was having a good time
that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
I may have taken the entire adderall. I FEEL LIKE THE FUCKIN HULK. I can't stop cleaning and organizing and doing the clean things
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
Randomize
